


Sburban Heros

by Narumina12



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, I don't think so any way, M/M, all alpha kids, all beta kids, all beta trolls, inspired by Real Men Wear Tights, it's not too much like it though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2013-04-13
Packaged: 2017-11-28 13:32:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/674947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narumina12/pseuds/Narumina12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the initial meet-and nearly destroy, Alternia and Earth agree to allow peaceful travel between their planets. Unfortunately, humans tend to be grub-fucking idiots, this is why The Felt Mob and The Midnight Crew were formed. They believe that Her Imperious Condescension may be planning on doing something to the current inhabitants using those who she deemed 'cullable'.<br/>John had to deal with similar gangs for a while, him and his family. But when he finally moves to Karkat's hometown, will he find that his family isn't the only super-powered crime-fighters?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Moving to the City/Living in the City

A normal day in a normal neighborhood, in a normal week, not many of these exist for me anymore. I can’t help, but be a little thankful. Though, knowing my luck it won’t last long.

I sigh happily as the alarm goes off. A new day, a new home, a new neighborhood and a new school, this place might be just what the doctor ordered. The carpet was soft and still warm from the heater and felt plush between my toes. The window shone in a nice stream of light all over my room. The white walls somewhat stung my eyes, oh well, just gives me all the more reason to cover them with movie posters. I’m sure that I have enough, if not, I’m sure Jake would gladly donate to the ‘Egbert movie wall’.

I pulled on my favorite slime T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans as I walked to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and smiled widely, showing off my buckteeth. I really don’t care what people say about buckteeth, mine are nice and shiny and healthy. What could be worse? I ran a hand through my hair and then decided it could use some brushing. I brushed it, only to have it go to its natural state of bed-head. I finally completed my look with my square glasses.

There was a hard knock at my door, followed by a familiar smiling face, “I see you’re already up lad. Uncle has breakfast made for us, so it’s ready when you are old chum!” my cousin Jake; always a nice face to see in the morning. Despite how thick headed he seems he really tries to be nice. He just can’t quite get that part right after living alone with Jade and our grandpa for most of his life.

“I’ll be down in a minute.” He closes the door and I turn to my giant yellow salamander I got from Jake and Jade on my 10th birthday. “Hey, Casey you awake?” When I say ‘Giant’ Salamander, I mean ‘Giant’. Casey is about one third my height or less. She was from a special breed that only existed on the island where Jake and Jade lived, never actually discovered by scientists, so she was never classified or given a name. I didn’t care though, but it still baffles me on almost how human-like she can be at times.

She blew a bubble happily from her tiny bed. I laughed as I picked her up. She’s so cute sometimes.

I carried Casey in my arms downstairs, following the scent of pancakes obediently. The only reason I would was because I could tell by the smell that they were NOT Betty Crocker.

“Good morning John, ready for school?” My older sister Jane asked me from the kitchen. She had an apron on top of her usual T-shirt and business skirt, while her short hair was styled around her head.

“I am. I wonder what it’ll be like. Maybe I can make some friends?”

Jane smiled softly in that motherly way I was used to seeing her in. Translation: ‘sure but don’t tell anyone about us’.

“Dad left a note for you on the coffee table before he left.”

I nodded and hugged her, then stole a couple pancakes when she wasn’t looking. I gave one to Casey and nibbled the other.

I picked up the note and flipped it open.

Dear Son.  
Congratulations on making it to high school. I knew that you could do it if you just set your mind to it. Now that you are going to the same school as Jane I feel I must say this: don’t embarrass her too much. And remind Jade and Jake to empty their bag of guns. I don’t want to have to pick them up from county jail. I’m so proud of you son.  
-Dad

“So what did Uncle Egbert say?” Jade asked. She had on a T-shirt with her long skirt and her long black hair was down.

“He said you need to take all of your guns out of your school bag, Jake too.”

Jade pouted as she sat down with her bag to empty it. Jake walked in with a rather large, heavy-looking bag. He had his usual T-shirt under a forest green button up and khaki shorts. He seemed proud of himself, well time to rain on his parade.

“Take all the guns out of your bag. Dad doesn’t want to pick you up from jail.”

He made a cross between my face of distress and Jade’s pout. He turned around and dumped out his bag into an empty box nearby.

Jane leaned down to Casey’s eye level, “Will you be fine while we’re gone?”

She nodded in response before hopping off of my lap and turning the TV to the Discovery channel. She sat down on the floor and stared at the TV.

“I’ll come by during lunch to feed her.” Jane narrowed her eyes warningly at me. Translation: ‘Get caught and I’ll kill you.’

“Oh, don’t worry about old Johnny-boy, Janey. I’m sure he’ll be fine. Besides, I might be able to help weave a story to help get him out of that little bind.” He clicked his tongue, winked, and pointed his fingers like guns toward Jane.

We all just stared at him in doubt. As if he could come up with a good excuse, his stories normally consist of Bigfoot and the Loch Ness monster. Both of which he swears used to visit him for special treats he made for them. Jade’s never seen them either, so we can’t believe him.

“I’ll make sure to avoid people and make sure no one sees me. Ok?”

She nodded reluctantly, “Fine, come on the bus will be here soon.”

We all stepped out of the house with our school bags at hand and headed to the bus stop.

-THIS IS A LINE BREAK-

Oh my FUCKING GOD! I HATE EARTH!!

The air is so filthy, anywhere I look there are more people then I can stand. Supposedly there’s supposed to be 7 BILLION of these pink fleshy nooksuckers on this whole goddamn planet while there are only a few million trolls on Alternia. A few million I CAN EASILY AVOID. 7 BILLION; I WILL GO ON A FUCKING JUSTICE RAMPAGE.

I growl as my alarm goes off and tells me to get up. I hear crabdad screech from the hall and bust down my door. I groan as he drags me out of my recupercoon. Sopor slime made a trail behind me back to the ‘coon.

“God I get it, ‘Get the fuck up.’ I get it, let me go.” I was tossed into the ablution trap violently then left to my own devices. “Geez, what did I do to deserve such an idiot lusus?”

I looked in the mirror to find my hair in the usual mess. I glanced over to a brush and shrugged. I picked it up and attempted to brush it through the tangles. Unfortunately, it didn’t even make it through the first few inches and I gave up.

Next was my face, just have to clear off the drool line and wash my face so the redish prints on my face will clear up. And that’s as ‘perfect’ as I get.

I stepped in the trap and began to wash off the slime. I could already feel the sedatives wash away as the water was stained a glowing green and flowed down the drain. I made sure to rinse my hair, but avoid the horns. The last time one of my nails scratched one I screamed in pain and crabdad had barged in to see what was wrong.

Once I was done I pulled my sweater over my head and put on my grey skinny jeans. I brushed my teeth and stepped out of my room to the commons area of our house.

I saw a few of the group sitting on the couch. From left to right it was; Vriska, Tavros and Equius. Vriska was fucking around with one of her 8-balls, Tavros had a hand held video game and Equius was speaking with Nepeta who sat in the recliner beside him. Gamzee was lying on the ground under the coffee table. Terezi and Aradia were comparing notes in whatever the fuck they were comparing notes in. Sollux was arguing with Eridan on the couch while Feferi was trying to stop them. And Kanaya was sewing in another one of the recliners.

“Hello Karkles~.”Terezi sang.

“Shut up, I’ve stayed up all night researching human culture and what to expect for you Terezi. The basics are in a packet that was delivered to your room. Not that you would actually fucking read it until it was too late. Way to make me feel like the greatest fucking tool in the history of Alternia, it’s just what I wanted. All my stupid fucking life. All I ever wanted. Thanks for that. And what the fuck, you didn’t even care about trying to blend in before, why care now? Oh wait, because you decided that you liked this one human. So yeah, fuck you and fuck whatever poor human you chose to try and snatch in your red quadrant.” I promptly flipped them off as I stalked over to the nutrition block.

I grabbed one of the few things I thank Earth for; a ‘coke’ as humans called it. It makes it so easy to wake up and it has such a nice tingle as you drink it. Oh god the tingle~.

I chugged three cans and munched on various leftovers. By then it was finally time to go.

“All right, are all of you stoned bulge lickers ready to go yet?” I growled, “If not, good luck trying to find a new way to the place of school-feeding because I will have you locked out of the house like a badly behaved bark-beast.”

Everybody shrugged and grabbed their stuff to leave.

Almost a sweep now I’ve been on this giant blue and green glass ball. At first it was beautiful, unique. I was almost to the point where I felt so at peace I nearly stopped hating myself as much… then we landed.

I looked around for maybe a minute and decided I hated Earth more then I hated myself.

Why am I here again? Ah yes because during my exam to become a Threshecutioner, in a live, private, audience with Her Imperious Condescension, I was stabbed in the stomach by a Carapace from one of her many conquered planets. Derse was this one’s home, a black Carapace with an obsession with knives. She saw my red blood and instead of culling me, she had me sent to Earth as punishment for ever wriggling out of the brooding caves.

The other’s here have already been here for a while, long enough that they have come to terms with the humans on culture and such. So they provide a place for us to live together with our Lusui while we attend school like normal humans. There are loads of other small troll criminal colonies around Earth, a lot like this one. So no one really questions the appearances of grey skin or horns anymore. Carapaces from Derse and Prospit are also very common around Earth.

But there are various gangs that want all of us gone. The Felt mob and Midnight Crew are only a couple. There are more though, around two or three for each colony. Luckily though, the Felt mob and Midnight crew can’t get over fighting each other long enough to do actual damage.

The walk to the stop was pretty short considering it’s about a block away. Standing at it is the worst though. The stop is right in the sun, and considering it’s the middle of August, it’s really fucking hot, and really fucking bright.

The bus it’s self is just as bad. Little Midnight’s and Felt’s sit near the back because the driver is an old fogy who can only see directly in front of him and can’t hear shit. So we take the front of the bus and experience their torment from afar.

I take a window seat with Sollux in the middle and Gamzee to the far side. We can sit three to a seat without trouble since I have an average ass and if you were to take both of theirs and combine them. You would still only have about half an ass.

I felt something hit my head and found that it was a beer can from the bulge lickers in the back. I growled and Sollux tried to start a conversation before I started a murder case for Terezi to try and cover up.


	2. John and Dave: Team up

John met a rather nice pair of teens at the bus stop. Dirk and Dave Strider, Jake took an instant liking to Dirk after finding out they have so many classes together. John and Jade had a nice conversation with Dave, while Jane interjected here and there on their conversation.

Once the bus came, John couldn’t stop smiling for reasons unknown even to him. But once he locked eyes with a troll sitting in the very front seat, something inside him sparked and caused him to feel fear towards him. It was almost a delightful fear, one that said this guy was a leader, and not one to be fucked with. The troll wore an unusual grey for his cancer symbol. His horns wore short and dull and his eyes were still black, meaning he’s still young and hasn’t hit the troll equivalent of ‘puberty’ just yet.

He sat in the seat 4 seats behind the grey troll with another one. She was sitting alone and had a cerulean Scorpio symbol on her T-shirt, her lips and eyelashes were the same blue. Based on what he knew about trolls, apparently she was a blue blood. She held 2 small eight balls in her hand and was twirling them around in it with ease.

“Uh, hi my name’s John Egbert, what’s your name?” He said with his best smile.

She looked at him like he was caught eating a dead rat and he noticed the six small pupils surrounding a single one on her right eye. “Vriska, Vriska Serket.”

“Hi Vriska, is it alright if I sit here? I can always move if you want?”

She shrugged, “You’re already sitting here, why not stay?”

He smiled, “Thanks.”

John felt something glide through the air over his head, and he watched as it collided with the troll next to the grey one’s head. He noticed the troll in the middle of the front seat flinch while the grey troll turned back to look at the back of the bus.

John turned as well to see some junior members of the two anti-troll gangs of Skaia. He could tell by their green jackets and card symbols. For the felt, you always wore a green jacket with a billiard ball over your heart to represent loyalty. Whatever ball you had was who you worked under. There were 16 possible sects, each one headed by one of the 16 main members. Though one of those sects is made up of the main members and they work under their leader; Lord English.

The midnight crew is smaller, but even more ruthless. They work the same way, but with four sects and no known exact leader. Instead of billiard balls though, it is cards; clubs being the most reckless members under Clubs Deuce.Hearts being the muscle under Hearts Boxcar. Diamonds the brains; Diamonds Droog. Finally, spades, the most ruthless and merciless of them all; under Spades Slick. All of the main members are black Carapaces that were accepted much easier into human society for two reasons. They came to Earth first and they have red blood like humans. And because of their hate of troll society and the Alternian Empire, they try to kill every one that comes to their town.

John frowned he hated the idiots that thought they were better then everyone else, just because they were in a gang. They weren’t cool because of that, nor from doing drugs, just stupid dumbasses who obviously are supposed to sit still and learn from the good kids.

He didn’t think much of the first object thrown at the troll, but after the second one hit the girl next to him and caused her to growl. He joined in her displeasure for 2 seconds before shouting to the back. “Hey! Stop that!”

The Neanderthals stopped their laughing long enough to notice John, “You gonna do something about it, Bucky Bunny?” They shared another fit of laughter before John threw the beer can back at a Midnight Crew Hearts Division guy.

“Yes, yes I am. So try it again if you want to see what!”

Jane looked between the group of delinquents, then to her brother and sighed.

The guy beside the MCHD, a Felt mob number 2 picked up the can and threw it at a troll with red sunglasses. Dave easily caught it before it could hit her. “That’s so not cool, man. Haven’t your parents ever taught you not to hit girls? Or people with glasses? Oh yeah, that’s right, they were too busy trying to get their next drag they didn’t give a fuck.”

This seemed to make them angrier and a MCCD picked Dave up by his collar. Dave didn’t seem to care, “You wanna go Strider? Maybe you can finally show off those fucking ‘ninja skills’ off in a fight with me.”

“I don’t need my ninja skills to kick your ass.”

Dave drops the can and it rolls to John. The be-speckled boy picked up the can and threw it at the guy holding Dave.

“Hey! Leave us and the trolls the fuck alone!”

The guy let go of Dave, long enough for John to tackle him. They rolled down the aisle and once they got to the end of the bus, MCCD was on top of John and had a devious grin on his face.

Years of fighting off fuckers like this guy told John that he was going to try something painful to John.

“Open the fire escape.”

So he was going to try and throw John out of the fire escape of a moving bus. Oh no, whatever will John do?

John knees the guy in the crotch, slips his legs through the gap in his thighs, presses his hands on the sides of his head, positions his feet on the chest and pushes with not even half his strength. The guy still ends up flying out of the escape and hitting the pavement hard.

John stands up with ease, walks past the flabbergasted crew and mob members, and finally claims his seat next to Vriska. He continued to smile in a happy way, when he felt more like smirking in triumph. His sister Jane held the bridge of her nose and shook her head. Jade was full on banging her head against the seat in front of her. Jake patted your head from the seat behind you.

The trolls were staring at him blankly, Vriska and the grey troll included. But the grey troll’s blank look turned into a glare as he turned back around.

“Hey, uh, Vriska, who’s the angry guy in the front seat?”

She breaks her trance and shakes her head, “Karkat Vantas. He’s kind of a crab, that’s why he’s so angry.”

“Karkat Vantas? Haha, Beep beep meow!”


	3. The Heir of Breath Appears

School was difficult, no denying it. It’s even worse when you have to go on patrol every night, plus completing homework.

For John, it was the norm, it was habit.

For the longest, on going time- it was life.

His bright blue ‘super suit’ wasn’t bright enough to stand out in the dark of night, in fact, it blended in with the starry sky, as well as it did the day. A simple white design stood out on the front of his chest, it looked like spiraling Wind. A Wind design: that suited him. The Wind was freely moving, full of such happy feeling on clear nights like these, full of Spirit. His ‘super suit’ was just a pair of Wal-mart brand blue pajama pants, and blue converse with a specially made hoodie with the hood up. The oddest thing about the hoodie was the hood, it was as long as his body. It trailed behind him whenever he moved. He also had a nose and mouth mask with goggles above them. He clutched a large hammer that said ‘Zillyhoo’ across the faded rainbow handle.

Jane wore a similar mask, but her glasses, nor any goggles were present, allowing her periwinkle eyes to glow in the moonlight. Her suit had beige pants and instead of a beige hoodie, an oddly shaped beige shirt that was longest in the back and trailed behind her. The shirt still had a hood that covered her hair, but it was shorter then John’s. Her shirt bore a similar design to John’s, only turned upwards and green to resemble a leaf. The leaf represented Life, the ability to heal, or even the ability to harm. Life; the caring and the cruel: the representation of Health. She held a spoon in one hand a fork in the other.

Jake looked closest to a super hero look with his white tights and yellow and white skin-tight outfit. He had a pair of pistols strapped to his legs and around his waist were empty holsters for the ones in his hands. His chest was adorned with a pair of wings to symbolize Hope. Hope was the willpower to go on when no one else would or could. Hope was energy that fueled their group, to keep them going. Jake outright refused to wear the mask, but he did ditch the glasses and added a yellow and white eye mask along with a forest green skull helmet. The helmet was rarely worn and mainly kept in one of his bags that Jade made.

Jade brought up the back with a long fluffy black dress with long-sleeves, black and white striped stockings and red shoes. She had a rifle in her hands and night vision goggles. Her hair pulled back in a ponytail and the face mask present. She also had a hood, similar to John’s there were two long parts, but only half the size of John’s. Her chest had a spiral of white lines, almost as if it were a black hole in white. Space was its nature. The ability to create and mold things to her will and bend space as she pleased. Unfortunately, she could only bend space, not time.

Tonight was mere patrol for the Egbert-Harley-Crocker-English family. They had been doing this since they were 13 each. Jane and Jake started sooner then Jade and John. They came to know themselves as Sburb, because of one green derp’s accidental misspelling of ‘Suburban Heroes’ so they became the ‘Sburban Heroes’ or just ‘Sburb’ for short.

They all have hero names based on an old mmo they played based on classes and ranks. John was the Heir of Breath, Jane the Maid of Life, Jake the Page of Hope, and Jade the Witch of Space.

They reached the outside of the city and split up as per usual.

John instantly let the Wind lift him into the night sky, he felt free and happy as he flew, but instantly looked around for anyone in trouble within his quadrant of the city. He sat on thin air and let the wind look around for him as well. He could read everything the Wind flew past as if it were a book. Every single disturbance was an object. Every disturbance that had a beat to it was a living thing, the human sized ones were either humans or trolls. Every new Wind created in malice; was either a bullet being shot, or a punch being thrown. These new Winds were short lived on his watch and not welcome in Skaia.

Then there was a series of malicious Winds created. Two blocks from his favorite comic book store. Three troll/humans were surrounded by about 10 others. The malicious Winds were generated by the surrounding troll/humans.

This sort of thing disgusted John. How people have no problem trying to ruin someone else’s day. He cursed silently to the Wind as he descended to the area the Winds came from.

He found the angry troll from the bus growling defensively against a couple spades, three hearts and a club. He seemed like he was standing alone, but John saw that while his stance showed nothing but self-defense, he was trying to protect the smaller olive blood and the yellow blood, who had apparently taken the punch that triggered the Wind. He saw that they were surrounded by five hearts, two clubs, a diamond and a spade.

“I’ve seen enough here.” John landed nearby and walked in between the two opposing forces and faced the Midnight Crew-mate. “How about you back away from these nice people and cry to your boss?”

One of the spades, who seemed like the small groups leader, growled out to him, “I don’t know who you think you are, but if you don’t want to get involved, back off. Otherwise we’ll kill you too, along with these rainbow blooded freaks.”

John gave a glare, “I’ll give you one more chance; leave them alone, or I’ll take care of you myself.”

Karkat acted as a walking cane for Sollux as his mustard blood dripped from his nose. The surrounding area of his nose turned a darker grey than normal, and began to worry the other two trolls.

“Really? Trying to be a hero for these freaks?! Don’t make me laugh.” One of the hearts exclaimed. “I could take you with my limbs tied behind me, shrimp!”

John gave a worried glance to the trolls before turning to the thugs, “Fine, try me. You’ll be going to the police station in bandages.”

One of the hearts cracked his knuckles, “I think you got that backwards buddy.” He threw the first punch, aiming right at John’s face. The brute was shocked to feel the smaller boy’s hand rather than the cheekbone he was expecting. John held the heart’s fist calmly, and began to squeeze.

The MCHD only grunted in pain as his face turned red and he began showing signs of perspiring. John increased the pressure causing the big guy to finally cry out, and that released the floodgates.

The other mobsters rushed forward, not to try and protect their own, no, becausethey didn’t want to shame the name of the Midnight Crew. The guy would probably be beaten by his higher ups later for failing to defend himself from a dorky kid.

“BEHIND YOU!”Karkat shouted. He watched the spectacle with wide eyes, it was like a train wreck, beautiful, and horrifying. The boy seemed to almost fly as he moved around gracefully, as if the wind itself carried him.

One of the MCCD had a pipe and was aiming right at the boy’s head while he was distracted with the others. The boy seemed to notice this and raised his hand as if to hit him. ‘There’s no way he could hit that guy from that distance while also defending himself from the others.’Karkat found his breath hitch when felt the wind blow against him, he looked over to the MCCD and saw that he was floating in the air.

“I guess I’ll have to play dirty too, if you insist.” The blue boy threw the mobster into a nearby wall, not hard enough to break it or him, because there was no sickening crack. Karkat looked back over to find that the others were also flying towards the wall in the same manner.

The boy seemed to smile at Karkat, “Is your friend alright?”

The troll looked over to Sollux, then to Nepeta, they were in just as much shock as he was. ‘First that guy on the bus, now this joke?’

“We’re fine, nothing theems to be broken.” Sollux said.

The hero pouted and crossed his arms as he walked over to the three trolls, he looked at Sollux’s face closely. “There’s a fine bit of swelling, some bruising, it very well could be broken. I’ll see if Maid is nearby.” He seemed to say maid as if it were somebody’s name.

He nodded and then took out a notepad, scribbled something on it and let it go. It floated on the wind down the street.

“Do any of you have a phone? I left mine at home.”

Karkat pulled out his cellphone and handed it to the hero.

“Who are you?” Nepeta asked.

The boy smiled, he seemed to do that a lot, “The Heir of Breath, but, I guess, you could call me Heir, it’s what the others do.”

“Otherth?”

“Yeah, Page of Hope, Maid of Life, Witch of Space, and finally,” he pointed to himself, “Heir of Breath.” He paused for a moment, “Maid is coming, I’ll call the authorities to pick up the trash.”

He dialed 911 and turned away.

“KK do you think we should trutht thith guy? He theemth off.”Sollux asked.

“But Sollux he saved us, what would make you suspect him like that?” Nepeta argued.

“I don’t trutht humanth in general, and you know that. KK, you’re the emotional exthpert, you dethide.”

Karkat knew even less on the matter, humans were so odd to him. They walked and talked like trolls, and even had similar ideas on occasion. But they were too  
different from each other to create any sort of hierarchy. Some were geniuses, others talented, while the rest were just brain-dead and unlucky. This guy seemed to wear his heart on his sleeve, but Karkat has been fooled before.

“We’ll trust him for now, if he betrays us in any way, we cull him.” Karkat jumps when he feels a tap on his shoulder. His head nearly flies off from how fast he turned.

“Thanks, the police will be here in about 45 minutes. And Maid isn’t too far now.” He turns to Sollux, “Is there anything you need?”

Sollux shoke his head, “No, nothing.”

Heir smiled softly just as a girl dressed similarly to him appeared nearby.

“Who’s injured?” she asked as she ran towards them.

“The guy with red and blue eyes, I think his nose may be broken.”

She sat in front of Sollux and examined his nose. She gently snapped her wrist like a whip and there’s a short groan in both relief and pain. “Put some ice on it when  
you get back to your hive.”

“Thankth.”

“No problem.” Maid shoved the other along, the three trolls watched until they were out of sight.

“Change your opinion on the humans yet, Sollux?” Nepeta purred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like this one as much to be honest.  
> I think that John shouldn't have interacted with them as much as he did. Should've stayed aloof, dumbass.  
> I OWN NOTHING!!!


	4. 'Don't Feed the Dorks' Let's do it Anyway!

John yawned as he walked through the school, they stayed up for the usual time, but he still felt extremely tired. Running into Karkat during the first quarter was exciting, but also risky if he planned to become friends with the troll.

He showed up in the newspaper that morning, along with the others, but his picture was the largest, there was also an article about him underneath, describing the story of how he saved Karkat Vantas. It made him sad that they never mentioned that Karkat was a troll.

John wondered where he was now.

“Watch where you’re going bulge-munch!” Speak of the troll (insert goofy laugh).

John looked up to see Karkat growling at him, he couldn’t help but grin. “Hi, Karkat right?”

The troll seemed to soften at the human’s voice, “Yeah, and?”

“I’m John, John Egbert, I’m kind of new here, would you mind helping me around?”

The taller boy rolled his eyes, “You got around fine yesterday didn’t you?”

John chuckled nervously, “Not really, I kept getting lost. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to, but can we at least hang out sometime?” 

“Ugh, fine. What’s your first class?”

John handed him his schedule. Karkat scanned over it, “134. Follow me.” He immediately started off down the hall.

“So, do you have a Pesterchum or Trollian?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I have your handle?”

“Sure.”

“What is it?”

“Yes.”

John pouted and poked Karkat, “Hey you’re not answering! Are you alright?”

John didn’t notice the troll twitch after hearing the question, “Fine,” he stopped long enough to scribble ‘carcinoGenecist’ onto a note and pass it to him. “Now let me do my job.”

Once they reached room 134, Karkat waved off John as he rushed away.

Karkat made it three rooms away from his class before he ran into Sollux and Aradia. “Sollux, I want to know who Heir is. I need you to do some research on him.”

His mismatched eyes widened behind his glasses, “Why?”

“He doesn’t seem too bad, he may just help us against the Felt and MC.”

“Ok, whatever.” Sollux’s indifference shocked him.

“Whatever?! This is the guy who saved us, the human guy who saved your ass, and defended us last night? You don’t even want to find out who he is?”

Sollux smirked, “Whatever KK.”

Aradia was silent at the time but once she saw that Karkat was about to blow his top, she quickly pulled Sollux along.

“FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Karkat stomped the rest of the way to his class and plopped down into his assigned seat to see his lab partner, another troll, Mienna wasn’t there.

‘Oh yeah, he moved’ this didn’t surprise him Mienna was one of the Felt’s favorites to pick on because he was a blueblood. Mienna would just take it all, and no one knew what happened with it then. In the end, he was expelled and transferred.

Now in his place there was a jade green eyed human girl. She resembled Egbert in everything but her color. She wore a long denim skirt, big clunky hiking boots, and a simple t-shirt with what seemed to be a dog’s head on it.

She turned and saw her partner, “Oh hi! My name’s Jade Harley, I moved her with my brother and cousins, looks like we’re partners!”

Karkat made a face that looked like he had a bad taste in his mouth as he sat down. “Whatever, just don’t touch anything while I work, I want a good grade on the assignments got it?”

Jade pouted, “Jeez what a fuck-ass.”

Karkat turns to her and growls. He developed a slight respect for her since she said that to him with no fear of getting in trouble. Bravery deserves respect, but Karkat’s the wrong guy to get it from for such a small deed. Currently most of his respect is for the masked teen from last night. No one and nothing else.

\--ghostlyTrickster[GT]has begun pestering carcinoGenecist[CG] at [05:46]  
GT: hi karkat!  
CG: WHO THE FUCK IS THIS AND HOW DID YOU GET MY TROLL TAG?  
GT: it’s john  
GT: from school  
CG: DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FUCKING JOHNS ARE AT MY SCHOOL?  
CG: THREE  
GT: john Egbert  
CG: I FUCKING KNEW IT ALRIGHT?  
CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT?  
GT: I was wondering if you’d like to have lunch with me tomorrow  
GT: you can bring any of your friends  
CG: WHY WOULD I EAT LUNCH WITH YOU?  
CG: I BARELY EVEN KNOW YOU.  
GT: but I don’t know anybody here  
GT: I know the striders  
GT: but their lunch table was full today and I had to sit with my older sister  
GT: she wouldn’t stop trying to feed me cake when I always say I hate it!  
CG: OH YES HOW HORRIFYING.  
CG: I CAN SEE IT NOW.  
CG: “NO, NO! NO MORE CAKE, PLEASE DON’T FEED ME ANYMORE CAKE”  
CG: I WOULD FUCKING KILL FOR SOME CAKE.  
CG: I WOULD KILL BETTY CROCKER HERSELF FOR SOME CAKE.  
GT: be my guest  
GT: the batterwitch has her fingers in everything now a days  
GT: Sooo  
GT: lunch?  
CG: YOU ARE NOT GOING TO STOP UNTIL I SAY YES ARE YOU?  
GT: nope! :B  
CG: DON’T MAKE THAT FACE AGAIN  
CG: IT’S MY FACE.  
GT: really?  
CG: ):B  
GT: are they your horns?  
GT: that’s so cute!  
CG: FUCK YOU!  
GT: but it’s true!  
CG: I’M LEAVING  
GT: no don’t go  
\--carcinoGenecist[CG] has ceased trolling ghostlyTrickster[GT]--  
GT: aw

This guy really started to rub Karkat the wrong way. He was just researching ‘The Heir of Breath’ when John started trolling him.

Karkat leaned back in his seat with a sigh as he ran his fingers through his hair. One time was all it took, one meeting with that hero. Now he’s obsessed.

So obsessed, he may just have a slight crush on Heir. The quadrant is unknown like it is with most humans, but he can feel the attraction gnawing at him like a hungry barkbeast with a bone.

“Made any headway with Heir yet?” Sollux asked.

He turned to face his friend, “Not yet, I’ve looked in only a few newspapers before I had to pay attention to some idiot."

“What idiot?”

The smaller troll sighed, “The guy from the bus, the one who pushed the MC out of the bus. His name is John Egbert.”

“John? Dude, don’t treat him all thhitty, he’th one of the few humanth who don’t give a thhit about a little thpecieth differenthe. We don’t want him to turn on uth.”

Karkat groaned, he was pretty shitty to him. All John wanted to do was be his friend, and not one of those stupid slave-friends some people at school had.

“Fine then, we’re eating lunch with him then.” Karkat opened up his contacts and added ‘ghostlyTrickster’ to it before trolling him again

\--carcinoGenecist[CG] has started trolling ghostlyTrickster[GT]--  
CG: FINE YOU CAN JOIN US FOR LUNCH.  
\--carcinoGenecist[CG] has ceased trolling ghostlyTrickster[GT]--

John was about to sign off when he saw that message. It definitely filled him with more joy then he thought possible. 

“John,” Jane said, “We need to go, it’s nearly 5 now.”

John stutters, “R-right, I’ll go get ready.”

He turns so quickly he misses the glance Jane makes to his computer, and the slight grin that adorned her face before leaving.


	5. Name's Dave, Dave Strider. I'm Just the Knight of Time. No Big Deal

The morning routine was the same every morning. Get up, get dressed, dig your way to the bathroom to fix my hair and make-up every morning. I can take as long as I wanted too. I don’t worry about being late, never have. Worrying about time is for people who aren’t Dave Strider.

I’ve always been on time, always perfect attendance even when I’ve been sick. Even if I had the flu for a week, nobody knows, because it’s only been a few seconds for them. I am literally a master of time. Well, not really. When I get angry I can literally knock someone into next year. I usually realize what I did and go grab them before they can realize what happened.

I sit at the table waiting for Dirk to come by. He’s used to my time-jumping by now and my just appearing out of nowhere doesn’t affect him anymore.

“Hey bro.” he said.

“Hey.”

Dirk himself is a near emotionless being if you look at him in a photograph, but he’s actually a really nice guy. He can go into your mind and play around with your memories, yeah, but he’d never do that for fun. Say if it’s a bad memory and you don’t want it to hurt as bad, he can ease it, or out-right erase it. He nearly never gets in trouble because all he has to do is look you in the eye and he can go through and erase just the right one in no time, doesn’t even have to be actual eye contact.

“Anything you want to fess up to now?” he asked as he avoided the avalanche of swords. “Any resent time jumps? Did we have a younger sister you prevented being born or some shit?”

“Nah, I think I would’ve kept a sister, god knows this place needs it.” I looked around the room at the pile of Dirk’s various puppets and ironic memorabilia. I have a few things here and there too, just some clothes a few records, not anything important.

“So what is it?” he placed a bowl of cereal in front of me.

“That kid John from yesterday, did you notice during the brawl two days ago how there was a slight breeze?” I asked him calmly.

Dirk didn’t look at me, “There were windows open and the bus was moving Dave, it was probably just the wind.”

“No, no. It seemed to circle around him, specifically.”

He finally looked up, “Dave, I’ll trust you on this one, but you need to bring me undeniable proof before I go out and investigate. You know this.”

I simply nodded before continuing to eat.

-LINE BREAK-

I looked over at Gamzee during second block, he did his sloppy make-up today that made him look like a psychotic clown. I couldn’t help but smile, the guy was my best friend since he first came. We both agree that ICP sucks, I still listen to it though, for shits and giggles. We both think that the Felt Mob and Midnight Crew need to just have an all-out gang fight and just completely die off.

Then there’s the impasse, I fucking love apple juice, he prefers sopor. We don’t try to share or anything, but we do try to tempt the other.

I didn’t even notice when class let out until I saw this giant black blob in my already darkened vision.

“Hey, what’s up motherfucker?” Gamzee drawled with a smile.

“Your home planet.” He laughed as I stood up with my bag slung haphazardly over my shoulder. That always gets him.

“So what do you think of the new little pink motherfucker on the bus?” he asked.

“I’m… suspicious.”

He tilted his head, “Why’s that?”

“He has this, air, about him.”

Gamzee laughed, “Ha, that reminds me of what Karkat told me a couple nights ago. He said he was rescued by this guy that could control Wind, beat up about nine MCs. Heir of Breath is what he called him, sometimes just Heir. There was this other, Maid of Life I think, helped Sollux fix his nose.”

I was shocked, “Sollux broke his nose? I thought he’d like use his freaky mind powers to block something like that.”

“Apparently not, Nepeta was there too. Now she won’t stop talking about her new ship.” I knew I was going to regret asking this but-

“What new ship?”

“Kar-bro and Heir, she’s even doing a fan-fiction on it.”

“Oh, gog no, just no.”

“Yeah, apparently the new guy’s sitting with us today, so you can’t bring the bitch.” I frowned. I always hated it when Gamzee called my girlfriend that.

“She’s not a bitch, her name is Jean.”

He frowned and scoffed, “Bitch.”

I groaned, “Dude, let it go, getting your panties in a wad over something like a girl is not like you man. Remember the motto?”

“Bros before hos.”

“Exactly, now come on, are we gonna go eat lunch with John or sit here and whine to each other about my ‘bitch of a girlfriend’?”

He smiled, his face paint looks way better when he does. That was probably the main reason I became friends with him, he looks best when he smiles.


	6. Meet the Trolls

Karkat sat alone at the lunch table, being the closest one to the cafeteria when class let out had its benefits. Not only does he save the table for him and his friends, he gets to choose where he sits first.

“Hey! Karkat!” He looked around to see John standing next to him with that huge grin of his. “Are you the first one here?”

Karakt didn’t do much other then glare at the boy as he moved to sit next to him. That’s usually where Sollux sat, and he had a feeling this kid was going to make him need both of them to shoosh pap him into submission. It’s not too odd to have two moirails, mainly for those who have no other quadrant filled.

“So, how are you today?”

Karkat mumbles, “Fine.”

“You seem angry. Is anything wrong? Oh, did your moirail usually sit here? I’ll move.” Once he started to move, Karkat sighed and latched on to his shirt sleeve.

“It’s fine, the asshole can find another seat.”

The troll didn’t fail to notice the face-splitting grin the human began to sport. He didn’t quite know if he should yell at the boy, or just leave him be. After seeing the kicked puppy face earlier, it made the decision for him. Fuck no.

“So, hey Karbro, is this motherfucker John?” The two at the table turn to see Karkat’s two moirails and Dave. Gamzee took his seat next to Karkat, while Dave took the one beside John. Sollux took the seat across from Karkat. Sollux was trying not to laugh at Karkat’s weakness.

“Yeah, my name’s John Egbert, nice to meet you.”

“You know me from the bus stop, Dave Strider. The indigo capricorn over there is my Juggaboo, Gamzee.” Gamzee smirked playfully and waved. “The 3D gemini guy across from our beloved cancer is Sollux Captor.” Sollux waved politely, while still holding back laughter. “The other’s should be here soon, we’ll introduce you to them as they do.”

“By the way, Dave have you told Jean thhe can’t thit here today?” Sollux asked.

“No, you know she doesn’t read my texts anyway, I’ll just tell her in person.”

“This ain’tgonna be pretty.” Karkat mumbles. John looks over to him questioningly. Why, he’s just telling his girlfriend that she won’t be able to sit there for the day? It’s just one day, surely they could work something out to make up for it.

“You know thhe’th going to be really made at you.” Sollux said warningly.

Dave merely shrugged and started a new conversation, “So I hear you broke your nose last night. Gamz has already told me the details, but man, I thought you were tougher then that Sol.” Dave smirked as the mustard yellow troll scoffed.

“You know I couldn’t fight back if I wanted. I would if I didn’t end up dead in the end anyway.”

“Don’t forget who defended you, bro. That Heir motherfucker must’ve been pretty tough if there were 15 of them.”

Karkat growled, “There was only 9 clown-ass!”

John swallowed hard, maybe this was a big mistake. He should probably go before one of them asks him about Heir. He was known in his family for his loose lips, he was already scolded last night for even talking to them.

“What do you think JE? Do you believe KK, Nep, and I were all halluthinating? Or wath it really a guy named ‘Heir of Breath’?” Sollux inquired.

John looked around, “Well, I’d believe that it was,” Sollux smirked to Dave, “If I could see him myself.”

Sollux frowned, “Dude, feel my nose.”

“What-“ Sollux took your hand and forced you to feel around the bridge of his nose.

It was definitely still broken, and made John nervous to touch it, fearing he may move wrong and hurt one of his new friends. “Um, can you let go of my hand?”Sollux released him only to avert his sight past John and at someone else.

The rest of the group was arriving, most already engaged in their own heated conversations and leaving enough alone with the people already there.

Dave noticed John’s nervousness and decided to leave him alone about the subject of Heir… at least,not until after lunch.

“So how’s your stay been, John?”Vriska asked.

“Oh, good actually.Karkat’s been really nice.” Everyone , including Karkat began to choke, or stutter. Their gazes turned to him. Even Dave’s pointy anime shades became off-balanced.

“Are you saying Karkat was nice to you?” The girl with red sunglasses asked. “Well, we all knew it would happen. Earth’s government got a hold on Karkles and now he’s gone forever!” The girl began to sob into the nearby maroon blood’s arm. Then she began to cackle, “I think a nice Karkles may be better anyway.”

“Are you sure? Karkat isn’t known for being nice, much less really nice.” Dave straightened his glasses.

“Well, yeah. He’s nice in his own way, which usually involves shouting I could tell.” John added.

Everyone began to add silent agreements before they were silenced by a growl. Karkat’s growl completely silenced them, all but John.

“Wow Karkat, that’s such a cute sound, what was it?” Dave spit apple juice across the table at Eridan, who grumbled and stalked off to dry off. Dave jumped up and quickly dragged John away before Karkat could lung at the smaller boy.

“CUTE?! Dude, first thing to know, Karkat hates that word. Second, that was a growl, meaning, cut it out or he’ll fucking gut you.”

John chuckled, “I know, but I had a plan, I wanted to tease him. I’m not so insensitive that I’d just insult him.” John squeezed his hand and water squirted out of his glasses. “I was going to show off my master prankster skills.”

Dave groaned.


	7. Between You and Me

After lunch, Dave pulled John into the men’s bathroom.

“Alright man, you show me yours I’ll show you mine.”

“WHOA WHAT?!!” John squeaked and backed up, “show you my what?”

Dave groaned, “Teens.” He dug through his bag for a pencil, after finding one he held it out for John. “See this? Normal pencil, no strings, nothing. It is completely normal.”

He held it above their heads and dropped it only for it to stop right in front of John’s eyes.

John felt around under the pencil, and over. “Wha-“

“Time, bro. I have stopped time itself. Look outside.”

John peeked out the door to find everyone completely still. He found his cousin Jake in the crowd with Dirk. “Wait, gotta do something.” Dave walked over to the two older boys and began messing with his brother’s hand.

“What are you doing?”

“I heard bro say he liked your cousin, so I’m ‘helping’ him.” He finally moved Dirk’s hand to Jake’s ass.

“A-are you sure?”

“Dude, you said it yourself you were the pranking master, this is the ultimate prank. Don’t tell me you were lying?”

“No, it’s just that Jake is… jumpy.”

“Whatever man, just watch.”

Dave dragged him back into the boy’s bathroom, and Time started again. Jake noticed Dirk’s hand and tensed, “Um, Mr. Strider, would you mind removing your hand?”

Dirk took note of where his hand was, and after a few seconds removed it. “Sure, sorry, didn’t even realize I was doing it.” Dirk looked over to where Dave and John was hiding and simply flipped the bird. Dirk and Jake walked off as if nothing happened.

“Whoa, does Dirk know?”

“Yeah, bro has his own abilities, he can control one’s memories, but he said that there are limitations to what he can do. It’s the same with me, I can only do so much to a time line before I have to start fixing things. And only certain rules apply, like how air doesn’t stop or how And you?”

John looked away, “Look, my sister may kill me if I tell anyone. So you can’t breathe a word about this to anyone.” He took Dave’s pencil and a pencil sharpener he had in his bag and made some pencil sharpening. He held the sharpening in his hand and willed the Wind around it to spin them into a small cyclone.

“I knew it. You’re Heir. I knew it was near impossible that the Wind wrapped around you. And one of your relatives was probably Maid.”

“I’m not allowed to say, the heroes only reveal themselves on their own terms.” John said nervously.

“Take me with you.”

“What?”

“Next time you go on patrol, come by the Lohac building, and come to the roof apartment. I’ll at least get a look at your outfit so I can get an idea of how mine should look.” Dave smirked as he handed him a sheet of paper with his apartment number on it.

John sighed, “You’ll hunt me down if I don’t come won’t you?” Dave nodded. “Fine, Walmart has some hoodies and pants that’ll fit the bill. Choose a main color, a title, and a symbol. This is my symbol,” John drew the sign for Breath on the paper, “I’m Heir of Breath, my color is sky blue.”

“Cool, I should have one ready by tonight. Can I tell my bro?”

“Sure, if he wants to come too he’ll need an outfit.”

“Alright, we should have outfits by whatever Time you meet up. So when is patrol?”

“It starts at six, I’ll do a quick run-through of my quadrant and stop by at 6:30, alright?”

“Yeah, bro.” Dave held out a fist for his new hero-bro.

John smiled and finished the bro-fist. “Promise you won’t tell?”

“Swear it, not even to Gamzee, and I tell that motherfucker everything but my secret.”

The bro-fist was crossed by a pinkie promise.

“Thanks Dave.”

“No problem, Egderp.”

The two walked off to class, joking and laughing.

\--LINE BREAK--

The next class they had together, it was just gym, and they had that together along with a few of the trolls that were at lunch. Dave and John were discussing their powers, how they might’ve gotten them. While Gamzee watched them talk alongside Karkat.

“Hey Karbro, how do you think Dave became such fast friends with that Egbert motherfucker?”

Karkat looked at how distressed his moirail was and sighed. “I don’t know Gamzee, it’s bad enough he was your ‘bro’ as you two preferred to call yourselves, but maybe it’s something they share, you know how humans are, they prefer to have similarities rather than sympathy.”

Gamzee continued to stare at the pair, walking the same path they were around the gym. He finally looked at Karkat with a sad glint, “Do you think he replaced me?”

Karkat noticed the lack of the words ‘motherfuck’, ‘bro’, and ‘sis’ and all forms in between and immediately went into worried moirail mode. “Fuck, Gamzee he can’t replace you, you’ll always have your ‘ironic weekend sleepovers’ right?”

“But what if he brings John instead?”

“Gamzee, if he can bring John, he can at least bring you too. Hell, maybe you’ll all get along and you can have a beautiful bro-mance together. Just, try and cut in their conversation right now, like with a question for John, so he doesn’t get jealous or some shit. Maybe Dave can tell you a few things about him and you can start planning the sleepover okay?”

Gamzee smiled and hugged his moirail, “Thanks Karbro, you know exactly what to say to a motherfucker.” He ran off to catch up with the humans.

“Hey motherfuckers, what’s up?”

John saw Gamzee and smiled, “Hi, you’re Gamzee right? Dave was just telling me about you.”

“Really? What’d he say?”

“I just told him your whole life’s story. Nothing much.”

“Dave, don’t lie, you said he was your best bro, bros don’t lie to each other! He was just telling me about your weekends together. They seem like fun.” John scooted over to let Gamzee join their stride.

“Yeah, they’re really motherfucking fun,wanna join the next one, Johnbro?”

John’s smile dropped, “I wish I could but my weekends are full, all the time. I could try asking my Dad, but I think I can already imagine what he’d say.”

“Sorry bro. We still got weeknights, not overnight but still.” Dave gave a thumbs up to John.

“No matter, maybe we could have a huge summer sleepover. I’m sure Jake and Dirk would like to join.”

“Yeah, oh, and why were you so worried about Dirk earlier?”

As the two humans continued their chatter, Gamzee fell back to his moirail.

“I felt like a motherfucking third wheel.” Gamzee’s face dropped and Karkat placed a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s alright, maybe he just needs some time to get John worked in to your group, maybe you should just keep trying.” Karkat wouldn’t be surprised if Gamzee didn’t believe him.

He wouldn’t believe himself either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Dave finds out  
> Just keep reading I promise I have a method to my madness


	8. Training

“I can’t believe this John! We were doing so well! Nobody knew about us, but first you had to forget your phone and use one of the rescued let you borrow theirs. Now two people know EXACTLY what we are, and who we are!” Jane ranted through John’s phone. The poor Heir had to hold his phone away from his abused ear, just so it could heal.

“Look, I’m getting Dirk and Dave right now.” John knocked on the apartment door he was sure was the right one.

“Come in, door’s unlocked.” was the muffled yell.

“So have you come up with an outfit and a name?” John came in and saw Dave in a red hoodie decorated with a gear and red skinny jeans. “And you need a mask of some sort.”

Dave shrugged and dug around in the mess of a living room for one of his brother’s ninja masks. He tied it around his face and John groaned, “Maybe you can stop wearing the shades.”

“No man, shades stay.”

“Dude, you always wear the shades, it only makes sense that you wouldn’t as part of your super hero disguise.”

“I know, but people usually get freaked out by my eyes.”

“Even since the trolls?”

Dave didn’t reply and he took off the shades, “Fine, only as The Knight of Time though.”

“That’s your name?”

“Yeah, based off of Suburban Heroes right?”

John chuckled nervously, “Yeah, my idea.”

“Bro should be done in a moment, his costume is a lot more girly then ours.” Dave’s face was then reintroduced to a smuppet.

“Regal is more like it.” Dirk walked out in a short-sleeved hoodie and knee-high puffy shorts. His pointy anime shades were replaced by a simple black eye mask. “I called myself Prince of Heart when I played Suburban Heroes. So I based it off of that.”

Both Striders had swords, Dave had two katana strapped to his back and a long-sword at his side. Dirk had the same double katana back-strap, while his main sword was also at his side but was another katana rather than the long-sword.

“John! John I swear if you hung up on me-“

“I’m still here Jane! Jeez, I was talking to Dave and Dirk!”

“Don’t take that tone of voice with me, I can just as easily hurt you as I can heal! Now have they come up with names for themselves?”

John sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “Dave is The Knight of Time, Dirk is The Prince of Heart.”

“Knight and Prince then, they’ll learn the basics from you, past that they will be back-up.”

Dave and Dirk both scoffed, “Back-up? Fuck that give us the big shit.”

“They don’t want to be back-up.”

“Unless you miraculously tell your secret to yet another super-powered teen… They. Will. Take. What. They. Can. GET”

Dave groaned, “Fine.”

“Good, patrol ends at midnight, no later.”

“Thanks Jane.”

John hung up and stared at the other two boys, “You don’t seem to get that you should be scared of her.”

-LINEBREAK-

By the time they left John had explained most of the main rules, told them they need to have two phones each, one for home and school stuff and the other for patrol. He explained their morals, ‘no deaths, no getting captured, etc’. Then he took them to the usual spot where he waited for the malicious Winds.

They seemed to enjoy being up so high because, despite their emotionless expressions, they seemed in awe of the sight.

“So, when do we get to kick some butt?”

“Once I finally get a sense of some malicious Wind. If not then tonight is a dud.”

“So you just sit up here and wait? Why not go after the gangs, everyone knows they’ve done enough to be put on Death Row, even if someone was only temporarily involved.”

John sighed, “Yes, but most of those people have jobs as Lawyers and unless they were straight up caught in the act, cannot be put into prison. Much less Death Row. We may be ‘Super Heroes’ but we have to abide by the law as well, otherwise we’d be nothing more than ‘Super Villains’.

Dave groaned and did a flip in the air, “Ugh, why do you have to be such a goody two-shoes! You probably got that from a comic book too, didn’t you?”

John glared at the Knight before turning back to face the city with a grin, “Fine, you know the basic rules of the trade by now, right?”

“Hell yeah.”

John turned to face Dirk, “Would you mind letting him go first?”

Dirk shrugged, “Go ahead, I ain’t in a rush.”

“Good, we have our first ‘bad guy’ for you Dave and he seems nice and big too. Remember the rules and keep your morals in check.” John waved his hand gently and Dave began dropping like a rock. He wasn’t screaming, no, Striders don’t scream in terror. They let all emotion show only in their eyes. Unfortunately, he left his shades at home and his eyes were exposed for John to see. John laughed at his expression as if it was the shocked look he got during one of his pranks.

Thankfully he didn’t come to Earth in a splat, John seemed to prefer his friends in one piece.

He landed softly near a fight where two trolls were surrounded by 7 thugs, normal ones oddly enough. It wasn’t odd for trolls to be mugged more often than humans, but usually it’s by The Felt or Midnight Crew, hardly ever by average thugs.

Dave sighed and looked up to find his brother and John watching like hawks.

He drew his long sword and rested it upon his shoulders.

“Hey,” the thugs turned to face Dave, “Leave them alone.”


	9. Bros, Bitches, and Bronies

“Leave them alone.” Came a voice. One of the trolls turned only to be met with a boy dressed in red with a sword slung across his shoulders and two more on his back. His red eyes seemed to glow in the dim light of the street lamp. The trolls were entranced by the boy. He was lithe, yet strong by the looks of the glint in his eyes.

“Why should we shrimp?”

The boy shook his head, “I wouldn’t be carrying around a giant fucking sword if I didn’t know how to use it. And yet, you still ask that annoying little question. ‘Why?’”

The boy dropped his sword from his shoulder and the blade cracked the pavement. “I am so tired of righteous assholes like yourselves deciding to try and ‘take matters in your own hands’. I’ll admit, the current government pisses me off too. But sometimes, you have to let idiots be idiots,” One looked slightly nervous, “Other times, you have to beat the shit out of them.”

The nervous one instantly ran away the boy in red looked at the direction the man left in and smiled, “Looks like we got a runner, bro.”

A similar boy in purple hopped down and flash stepped after the man. The first boy turned back to the others.

“Any last words before I have you thrown in jail for attempted assault of an American citizen?”

One of the men, a big burly one pulled out a gun, but before he could use it, the guy in red was behind him and hit the back of his neck with the butt of his sword.

“Anyone else?” the boy stood in between the two trolls and the thugs.

The boy in purple came back with the nervous man trembling in terror and slightly bloody and dropped the body in front of the others.

The thugs fell to the ground in fear, and one more boy appeared, this one in blue.

“Good job, Knight. Did you enjoy your first time on the job?” Blue asked.

“Yeah, really fun scaring the shit out of people.”

“Remember the phone I told you to bring?”

“Got it right here, use it to call the police here, right?” Knight pulled out a simple flip phone and dialed 911. Blue turned his attention to the two trolls.

“Are you two alright?”

The trolls nodded, “Th-thank you.”

“Heir, the police will be here in around 15 to 20 minutes, we better leave.”

“Are either of you hurt?” They shook their heads and held each other’s hands tightly. “Go home as fast as you can, the streets aren’t safe for anyone at this time of night.” The pair rushed to their feet and ran down the street.

\--LINEBREAK--

“That was fun,” Dave said simply, “When do we graduate from class of Egderp?” Dave glanced to the nearby digital clock in his room and slowly peeled off his shirt.

“At the point where I can turn my back on you two without having to instruct your every movement.” John already had all of his proper clothes on and was waiting on the bed for Dave.

“Dude, you really are superhuman.” Dave stopped Time long enough to change as a way to show off to his new bro. He slipped his anime shades into place

John shrugged, “I’ve been doing this since I first discovered my powers. I was 13 and I mastered the art of a quick-change by my 14th birthday.”

“Cool, so you’ve got years of super under your utility belt huh?”

John laughed, “Did you just compare me to Bruce Wayne?!”

Dave nodded and leaned against the door, “It’s not that funny.”

“It’s weird because I’m nothing like him, any of them!” John’s laughs turned to giggles until they had completely dissipated and turned into yawns. “I better go home now, Jane’s probably worried.”

“Why don’t you stay the night? I could set up any kind of bed you want in like, a second.”

John smiled, “Sure, Jane will probably be pissed that I didn’t come home, but I can explain it to her.”

“Why don’t you call her?”

“My ‘hero phone’ is nearly dead, and it’s the only one we’re supposed to carry. It’s not like we carry a charger with us either. That could get lost, than what happens?”

“Fine, use mine.” Dave tossed his red flip phone to John.

“Thanks.”

The two boys walked out into the living room where Dirk sat on the couch comfortably watching My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic. John trudged lazily towards the kitchen while Dave kicked a few smuppets across the room.

“Is John staying the night?”

“Yep, I’m going to make him take my bed and I’ll take the air mattress. Cause we’re bros like that.”

“So what if you suddenly have Gamzee come over one of the nights we have John?” Dirk inquired. His tone seemed a slight bit scolding towards his little bro, and was near righteously so. It had taken two days to become friends with John, but nearly 2 months for him to befriend Gamzee.

“I’ll ask Gamzee if he wants to sleep with me on the air mattress since John is new, but if not I guess John will.” Dave shrugged as if it were nothing.

“Uh-huh.” Dirk began fiddling with a nearby smuppet, “And how’s Bitch?”

Dave groaned, “She’s not a bitch! Her name is Jean.”

“Still together I see.”

“Why do people call her a bitch anyway? She’s not mean, she tries to get along with everyone.” Dirk rolled his eyes. “I mean the worst thing about her is that she has a temper…”

Dirk shook his head, “The first date you had, you came home covered in bruises.”

“Maybe they were maybe they weren’t.”

“Dave,” Dirk took off his shades so the younger could see his eyes, “she is a bitch who needs to keep her horribly branded claws off of my little bro, or me and Gamzee are going to go have a talk with her.”

Dave slouched on the couch as Dirk put his glasses back on.

“Hey guys, Dad said I could stay.”


	10. In Which John Proves to Dave He is Not All Hero, Some Past Experiences are Revealed, And Karkat realizes Just How Much of a Dumbass He Can Be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate chapter name: What the fuck even is this shit?

John woke up peacefully, unlike the usual ‘drag yourself out of bed’ kind of mood. He felt like making breakfast for his oh-so gracious hosts.

He tip-toed over the hall full of junk, passed the puppet-covered living room, and walked into the blade-covered kitchen.

‘Let’s see what they have in here.’ His hand was poised over the handle of the refrigerator handle when it was caught by Dave’s.

“I wouldn’t bro.” Dave’s shades were placed on his face, just so John could only see a sliver of red. “S’full of katanas and sharp shit.”

John snatched his hand away, “WHAT?! Why would you keep swords in a fridge!? That’s dangerous, it could kill someone!”

“Yeah, that’s why we don’t let anyone we personally invite open it.” Dave pushed his shades back against his face and leaned against the counter.

John instantly facepalmed, “That isn’t enough to do!”

Dave shrugged, “It’s not like many people come by here. My girl, Jean, and Gamzee is about it. You’re only the third person we let into our humble abode willingly.” Dave did a very sloppy gentleman’s bow, “Welcome sir John of Egderpington, to Chez Strider.”

John shook his head and looked at the counters. He found a small puppet of the guy from saw and nearly shrieked as he jumped back.‘How did I miss that last night?!’

“Oh yeah. I nearly forgot.” Dave picked up the little guy by the cloth neck and placed him in the blender. He set it to ‘puree’ and let John watch in horror as the little puppet splattered blood all over the inside of the pitcher. “Bro always rigs this shit with blood packets. I’m sick of him leaving his nasty-ass little webcams everywhere.”

John nearly lost what little contents he had in his stomach at the mere memory of that poor puppet. Sure, it was pretty fucking creepy, but did it really deserve the fate it had received.

“He has these things planted everywhere. I don’t even know why, when I ask him he just says for security.” Dave opened the cabinet above the blender of disfigured dummy and pulled out a box of pop-tarts. “You like blueberry pop-tarts?”

John looked at the pop-tarts and nodded. “Do you have chocolate? I prefer chocolate to blueberry.”

Dave pulled out a box of chocolate pop-tarts, “Who doesn’t?”

The two ate in peace and when Dirk came out, Dave tossed him one of the chocolate pastries and a bottle of soda before he stalked back into his room.

“How much longer do we have until we have to leave for school?”

“Pick a number.” John was confused until he remembered that this was The Knight of Time, one of the new guys he fought alongside last night. He inwardly face-palmed. “So when did you first discover your powers?”

John finished his bite of pop-tart and started, “I was about 12 when I first discovered my powers. I had a habit of running away from my dad when we went to the park. Well one day I got too far, and I couldn’t see dad, so I decided he might’ve gone across the street to get food or something. All I remember is a car almost hitting me, but the Wind surrounded me, and protected me from being hit. I remember flying for the first time. I was scared, but after a few minutes, it was natural. It’s like I was supposed to be up above the clouds.” John sighed happily, “That’s also my best memory. Not long after I had to land and I scraped my knee, that’s when I found out Jane had healing powers.”

“Cool.” John raised his brow to say ‘And you?’. “I’ve always been able to control Time. When I first noticed though is when I was in elementary school, I was about 6 when this happened. I was constantly call freak because of my eyes and hair, made fun of and everything. You know those large basket woven metal things in the playground?” John nodded, “I was hanging by my own strength from the top. One of the bigger kids laughed and tried to crush my fingers one-by-one. When I was hanging by my two fingers, I yelled ‘Stop’ and everything… just… stopped. I let myself drop. I was about to tell the teacher when I realized no one could hear me, they couldn’t see me. I was scared, and I felt alone. Bro found me just as I began to cry.”

“How did he find you if Time was frozen?”

“He said that some things just transcend Time, one of those things just happened to be family. Anyway he found me and gave me the pair of shades he was wearing at the time, his exact words were; ‘Don’t let anyone see you cry, that’s the worst thing you could do.’ We both then proceeded to prank the kid who tried to make me fall on my ass.”

John chuckled, “Wow, It was so serious and moving then you had to torment the kid.”

“Of course,” Dirk said from the kitchen entrance, he was dressed and ready to go, “You don’t fuck with the Striders, or you taste the ironic blade of our katana.”

“So cool.”

“Ironically?”

“Of course.”

Dirk smiled, “We’re keeping you around, he can start that posse you always wanted; Dave and the Johns.”

“Sweet.”

“We should probably get going though, I don’t want my internal clock getting rusty.” John looked to the various stopped clocks in the room.

“Sure, it’s the same stop as yours so you can explain to Jane what happened last night.”

John nodded, took the last bite of his breakfast pastry and stood up, “Come on, I want to see Jane and tell her how you guys did.”

\--LINEBREAK--

Most of the day was peaceful, everything was quite calm and nothing felt off or wrong. For the first time in his time on Earth, Karkat felt at peace.

Then came the lockdown in third period, the period he had with his moirail and his redcrush. Now, since John came along, Karkat was stuck with three extreme assholes.

“What’s going on?” John asked.

“It’s just a drill, don’t worry.” Dave said with a pap to the boy’s shoulder.

“Bro you shouldn’t lie, the teachers just tell you that. I hear some older crew members broke in.” Gamzee said in the slightest worry. “Don’t worry John-bro, we’ll be safe in here.”

John seemed to get nervous, which was a huge contrast to the first day they all met, “But, I have to pee.”

“Oh my fucking God John, really?”

“I drank a lot of water earlier,” John looked like he glanced to Dave then to the door. Dave flinched and added, “I’ll go with you.”

The two made their way to the teacher who began shouting incoherently for them to hurry. They were soon out of sight.

“Gamzee, what do you think the real reason for them leaving was.” Karkat asked seriously, still staring at the door they left from.

“Well, Kar-bro, John said he had to pee, that should say enough about what those mother-fuckers are doing.”

Karkat heard two gunshots from the very door he’d been staring at. He immediately went into a sprint out of the door as people began yelling at him to stop. He didn’t care, he just kept running. He ran left, and then right, just to find Heir fighting the invading crew members, there were 5 of them. 3 were hearts, 1 diamond, and one spade.

He was spotted by the diamond and could instantly tell, ‘Oh my fucking god, I’m gonna die on this god-forsaken planet, in this dumb-ass school. Why did I have to run out of the room. GOD STUPID STUPID DUMB’

The MCDD quickly took Karkat by the throat while Heir and the other guy were distracted and held a knife to it.

“Oi, dumb shits in tights, look over here.” The guy shook Karkat to show off his catch, Karkat began growling lowly, “You say you’re heroes, how about we test that? This little guy should work as a hostage, don’t you think?” The man grinned and showed off a full set of white teeth, with only one replaced with a gold tooth. His eyes were confident and calm, hidden just behind that was a thrill. A thrill to kill.

“The name’s Droog, Diamonds Droog.”


End file.
